Attention parents of both autistic and typically developing children: This message is tailored to you. Navigating the everyday routines with your autistic child is already challenging, but when coupled with the needs of a typically developing child, the balancing act becomes even more demanding.
My 8-year-old daughter, just 19 months younger than her brother, has reached a stage where she has mastered about 80% of her self-care and can handle many tasks independently. However, the question arises: should she assist me with her brother? It's a nuanced issue. While I appreciate assistance, I am mindful not to burden my daughter with responsibilities beyond her years. She is not merely a caretaker or helper but a young individual on her own developmental journey. It's essential to recognize that her brother is not her responsibility; she deserves the same care and attention he does. Nevertheless, she can contribute by being observant and intelligent, alerting adults if something seems amiss with her brother or if he wanders off. However, it's crucial to avoid placing undue burdens on her shoulders.
If you often find yourself relying on your typically developing child to manage their autistic sibling, you risk fostering negativity towards their sibling inadvertently. Instead, the aim should be to cultivate love and empathy so that even in your absence, your children continue to support one another. How can you achieve this? Start by discussing autism with your typically developing child, highlighting their sibling's vulnerabilities, and encouraging patience and understanding. This not only educates them about the disorder but also instills qualities of compassion and empathy.
Finally, maintain openness with your children. Share your own emotions with them, demonstrating that it's okay to express vulnerability. By doing so, you encourage them to open up and share their feelings, fostering a deeper connection and understanding among siblings.
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